the girl traveling with me said upon seeing salt lake city’s trolley system that she’d very much like someday to ride on a subway, but that she would be scared of getting the plague.
“what do you mean?” i asked.
“i don’t want to get the plague from the handrails in subways,” she replied straight faced.
“i’ve never heard of anything like that.”
“yeah, it was on a movie. subway handrails are the most likely place to get the plague.”
“oh yeah? which movie?” i asked, expecting something along the lines of a scientific documentary.
“coyote ugly,” she said.
"the one about the dancing bartenders?"
"yeah."
i wish i had a cup bubbling over with the plague to drink right now so my body could decompose like on a bad horror film and instantaneously put me out of my misery.